Inevitably, your precious babies will do wrong. And it’s up to you to teach them how to do right. But sometimes, it can be hard to know how to punish your child, and talk to them about a wrongdoing. So, today’s topic is:
What to do if you catch your kid stealing.
If your child stole from you
This is obviously unacceptable. Your children have to respect you, and this is a most flagrant form of disrespect. So, take whatever it is they stole from you, and use it to beat them within an inch of their precious little life.
If your child stole from someone else, and there’s proof
No child of yours is going to be a sloppy thief. This too is a completely unacceptable scenario. So you take that piece of proof, whatever it is, and use it to beat your child within an inch of their precious little life.
Then, you must return the item stolen to whomever it was taken from. If there was proof, they might as well already be caught. So, you are compelled to do the honorable thing.
If your child stole from someone else and there’s no proof
In this scenario, you are allowed to take a little mommy treat. Take whatever your child stole and sell it to buy yourself something nice.
Then, you must beat your child for not voluntarily cutting you in on the profits of their thieving ways.
If your child stole from someone else, there’s no proof, *and* they cut you in on the deal
Congratulations– you might as well be Mommy of the Year. You are clearly on the way to raising a perfect child. No one could ask for more than a scrappy, thrifty, resourceful child who also takes care of their Mama.