I take great inspiration from the noble continent of Africa, and specifically– Ethiopians. Those Ethiopians are skinny as hell, and when I saw my first sad infomercial featuring starving African children, I just had to figure out their secret.
The food of a nation
Ethiopian cuisine is the perfect diet food, and it is extraordinarily plentiful everywhere in the world! You probably have some right in your own backyard.
The secret is DIRT.
To Reach your skinny-minnie goals and eat like an Ethiopian, here’s what you need to do. First– stop eating. Go for as long as you possibly can before eating anything at all. Then, when you can’t stand it anymore, simply go to your backyard or a nearby park and pick up a handful of dirt.
Make sure there aren’t any worms or bugs in the soil you consume. Those are all together too nutrient-rich, and simply unnatural to get the effect of pure Ethiopian soil. Ethiopian soil could never sustain such life forms. So keep it natural, and keep out the nutrients!