The Spring/Summer Fashion Lines Are Out! Time to flaunt your wealth by looking Hideous
Everybody knows that the greatest way to flaunt your status is by wearing it on your body. Well, all the hottest and most expensive designers have just released their ready-to wear fasion lines– get ready to open up that wallet and max out that credit card!!
Time to show off your riches by spending more, and looking worse.
Remember that hideous portrait you drew in 7th grade art class, and had to finish lest the teacher failed you? This was Gucci’s fabulous inspiration behind this look. Putting on this dress tells the world, “I am far too rich to put up with common-place, well-crafted art pieces. I am going to parade around with a murderous looking devil-child on my chest, and you will STILL feel lesser than me.”
You can own this look right here for a measly $2,600.
Roberto Cavalli – LONG-SLEEVED CHAMBRAY SHIRT WITH BUTTERFLY APPLICATIONS
You know that one friend of your parents who is oddly obsessed with the American Southwest? Now, you can finally look exactly like her. Slip into denim number, drenched with butterfly appliques, and finally feel like a woman three times your age. This will show your superiority marvelously.
You too can look like you’re about to take flight by clicking right here, for only $1,650.
Burberry – Cotton Linen Workwear Jumpsuit
We all know that nothing is sexier or more high-class than pretending to be working class. Your jumpsuit screams “janitor,” but your posh hairstyle and beautifully done nails say “I wouldn’t touch hard labor with a 10-foot pole.” This dynamic class will herald your I’m-Better-Than-You status to the masses, and your co-opting of their work wear will likely also piss them off.
This high-class/low-class look can be yours direct from Burberry for the paltry price of $990.
Most of us haven’t been compelled to wear a plastic hat or plastic boots since we were toddlers playing in the rain– now, with the help of Chanel’s spring line, you can show off your pooling foot-sweat and developing blisters to the poor people of the world who just can’t afford your stature.
This blouse looks as though you skinned an aged muppet in need of Rogain, and sewed it into a roughly-hewn sack. The large, draped fabric and sadly dangling frills hide any hints of womanly curviture. You are much too wealthy to need to show your curves– that is for strippers and prostitutes.
This top, all by itself, can be yours from Chanel for $6,150.
Dolce & Gabbana – Printed Silk Dress
When I first laid eyes on this silk dress, I was sure that I was looking at a print made from hundreds of severed human fingers. Upon closer examination, they are actually canoli — however, both lend a Godfather-esque feel to this look that says “I can simply have you murdered if you cross me.” That, my friend, is the kind of power that money can buy. And walking around in a dress hinting at the sawed-off digits of your lessers asserts your power loud and proud.
Dolce & Gabbana will help you flaunt this power for a mere $1,795.
Now you know how to use 100% real designer fashion to show your status!
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I am a fashionable pussy who always tries to stay updated on the latest trends. But sometimes, when I see evidence, I anticipate trends that haven’t quite hit the mainstream! The next upcoming hot trend– look like you have Ebola.