Your singing may be as rich and wonderful as a golden-throated songbird. Your fingers may dance across your instrument, dextrous and exact. But it just isn’t enough.
Try being young and hot.
It’s obvious, isn’t it? Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber, Nick Jonas– they’re all young and hot. Even the lovable potato-faced Ed Sheeran is ripped. And young. And, many would argue– hot.
The dots are starting to connect, aren’t they? I bet you’ve been to some open mic nights with some incredible singers and players, but found yourself assuming these talented people would not succeed. Why?
Think, really think about those performers. Imagine them vividly. While you were listening to the dulcet tones coming from her throat, were you thinking of shoving your cock in her mouth? As he twiddled his fingers across the strings of his guitar, did you imagine him pounding you doggystyle for hours on end?
That’s the real key, people. Talent is one thing, but you’ve just got to be fuckable to unlock mass appeal.
Keep reading for some recommended assets you should bring into your music career with you!
1. Jiggly tits
Obviously, this is for females only (I’m looking at you, Meatloaf). Jiggly tits will help you in every aspect of your life, but boy– they sure look great when you’re bouncing around in your breakout music video.
Let Adam Levine of Maroon 5 be a lesson to all. Despite the fact that he sounds like his voice is being pushed out of a whining 8 year-old’s nose, he has found great success. Men and women alike– just have a rockin’ torso, and use every excuse to take your shirt off. A few well-placed tattoos can heighten the effect, making you look both sexy AND dangerous.
A perky, round ass
Men, don’t overdo this one, but this tip applies to both sexes! Humans can’t help but stare at and appreciate big ol’ butts. Girls, it is literally impossible for you to go too far with this. Just look at Iggy Azalea. Can you even think of ONE of her tracks? I know I can’t, but despite that fact, I can vividly visualize her bootylicious instagram shots. Her entire career can be described by the words “Iggy Azalea? You mean the chick with the giant ass?” Make sure your physical assets are so strong that people don’t give a shit about your music anymore.
This is how to make your music heard round the world.
The luscious locks tumbling down from your head will be a feature of everything you do. From head-banging on stage, to clutching it in distress in your music video, to coyly brushing it out of your eyes during an interview, your hair will be everywhere. Make sure (whatever the length, color, or style) that anyone who sees you wants to grab a fistful of your tresses and hump you senseless.
Perfectly clear skin
I hate to say it, but your high school bullies were right. Nobody likes a pizza face. Do you want to kiss an active, oozing, pus-filled infection?
No, I didn’t think so.
Do you want to put your dick or pussy all over a whitehead that could burst any moment? Nope. Nope, nope, nope.
…but what about nicely-toned skin? Skin that is smooth, lustrous, and buttery-soft? Oh yesssss.
There you have it!
I’ve just given you a list of all the best assets you can bring with you on your journey to the top of the billboard charts. Now put a sexy little outfit on, and get that booty to work!
Free Preview Of Songs About Sex!
Like my writing? Then you will love my music! Check out an early release version of my new single “The Big Rock Hard Cock Mountain.” Coming soon on my album Songs About Sex!