Making it in Music: Christina Aguilera
Annie Oddly is a hot little toon who knows her way around the music biz, and she’s going to share her tips with you!

Making it in Music: Christina Aguilera

Fame is an elusive beast, desired by millions of people all over the world. Attaining worldwide recognition is a process shrouded in mystery and speculation. How can you take charge and rocket yourself to the top? Is it really just luck?

In this article, I want to explore a special case study in fame. We are going to look at the meteoric rise of Christina Aguilera, and one specific event that marks her early success.

For the sake of my journalistic integrity, I must be clear– no one knows exactly what happened on that fateful winters night in 1998. What I am about to tell you is legend, passed down from backup dancer to backup dancer over the course of many years. Miss Aguilera herself would surely deny it, nor would any major outlet corroborate my story. 

But after hearing the same story repeated so many times — in hushed whispers, and stolen moments — this reporter has been convinced. I believe I am about to tell you the REAL story of Christina Aguilera’s success.

December 20th, 1988: The start of it all

Christina Aguilera walks, dejected, down the streets of New York City. Despite her years in the Micky Mouse Club, and wide acclaim after recording a version of “Reflection” for Disney’s Mulan, she has just been rejected by yet another producer.

She wants to make an album, and she knows this is her moment. The teen pop craze has hit a fever pitch with global sensation Britney Spears, and young Aguilera knows that she has what it takes to do the same. The beautiful young singer turned 18 mere days beforehand, and is ready to jiggle her assets before crowds of adoring fans.

But how to make it happen?

She had thought that after her years of servitude to Mickey Mouse, he would have done more to pave her way in the music biz. But instead, he had been cold and witholding, offering blankly that “maybe something would come up” in the world of Disney. But this freshly-legal Aguilera doesn’t want the Disney dream. She wants to be a sex icon.

Walking through the December snow, as shoppers hustle and bustle around her, she begins to formulate a plan.

2.5 Hours Later:

Young Aguilera is nervous as she approaches the door of Mickey Mouse’s NYC penthouse, but she believes she holds her ticket to the top. If she’s right about two simple details, her life will never be the same. 

The first— that Minnie is out shopping, as she suspects. 

The second— that Mickey likes it in the butt.

She takes a deep breath in, and knocks on the door. When Mickey answers, he finds his young protege Christina Aguilera standing before him, wearing nothing but a Goofy shaped strap-on.

She smiles, and he smiles back.

“Come in,” he says. “Minnie is out. Hah-hah!”

As Aguilera follows him inside, she feels her determination swell like the world’s largest boner. She’s going to be a star.


The Making of “Genie in a Bottle”:

After Christina’s fateful knock on that penthouse door, it took only 8 drinks and 6 hours of vigorous ass-pounding before her breakout contract was signed. Mickey Mouse pulled his strings at RCA records, and within the year, she would be a worldwide sensation.


Sometimes, the secret to success is

bending over a cartoon mouse and fucking him in the ass

until he makes your dreams come true.