Dan Lamorte: waddling into the spotlight
What do you get when you mix late-night fast food, matsturbation tears, weed, and a youthful innocence? You get funnyman Dan LaMorte.
This New Jersey-based young man lives with his parents and is hilariously sad like most products of the garden state. You want to look away, but are so delighted, you just can’t.
I respect this comedian. He’s a smart man, crafting brilliant setups again and again. I also like him because he seems to have read my articles and put into practice my patented comedy techniques: namely, that Fatter = Funnier and that functional alcoholism is hilarious. Dan LaMorte bears a remarkable resemblance to a young Santa going through a rough patch. And despite being still in his early 20s, he has cultivated the alcoholic complexion of a middle-aged dive bartender.
Dan’s album, “Not Enough Pieces,” is a truly hilarious recording of comedy gold. I personally was giggling for the whole six hours I spent high as balls and accidentally listening to it on repeat.
Here are some of my musings while listening to his brilliant setups and wonderful twisting punchlines:
- Perhaps during one of his Harry Potter memorabilia shopping binges, Dan could find himself a gigantic wooly coat and try his hand at being a less attractive Hagrid.
- When he sets up his Ohio rest stop joke, you get the sense that most of his best friends are made at dodgy rest stops.
- Braving the dangers of a bee in his car, one speculates that it’s not the first time he’s picked up a queen while driving.
- This self-proclaimed alcoholic endures alcohol poisoning better than he endures a treadmill
- This young man has clearly never turned down a drink, a blowjob, or a TV spot with moderate appeal.
- Dan loves New York City, which makes sense– not just because it’s such a cliche, but because it’s the only place as sad, ugly, twisted, and tortured on the inside as all comedians are.
Give Dan LaMorte a try
Dan’s jokes are personal, relatable, and hilarious. You’re going to love him. But probably not sleep with him. At only 23 years old, Dan LaMorte is a rising star who we will enjoy for the next 10 years. After that, Dan, we will miss you terribly.