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Your favorite mommy-blogger is here with a tip to save your budget!
We all know that kids are expensive. Everywhere you look, there’s someone trying to convince you to do more for your kids, and inevitably– spend more. 

But, the most pesky and inevitable expense of all: food. Those little brats need a lot of food.

Kids eat. Kids eat a LOT. After all, they are growing up more every day and that extra height has to be fueled by something. You’ve tried everything you can think of to cut costs, but you’re still spending hundreds of dollars every month on goods that they’ll chew up and shit out in hours flat. But there’s good news!
There is an absolute wealth of free food out there in the world! Have you ever noticed homeless people rifling through otherwise overlooked bins and dumpsters, only to arise with a surprisingly delicious-looking half-eaten sandwich? Wherever there is trash, there is a gold mine of nutrition waiting to be explored.

Be A Budget Hero: Feed Your Kids Trash

Luckily, kids are stupid. Really stupid. My youngest was taking a bath last week, put his head underwater and inhaled because he wanted to know what water smelled like. A true imbecile.

To get your kids on the cheap and effective trash diet, you only need to employ moderate psychological trickery and manipulation. Their grubby little hands will be off your hard-earned cash before you know it!

(A side note to all the mommies like me out there– I would never suggest that you join them in garbage-munching. You’ve worked hard for your money, and you deserve to enjoy your favorite treats. No one ever said being a kid was easy.)

So, without further ado:  My first tip to trick your kids into eating trash.

Make it a competition

Believe it or not, children are just humans, but smaller. We all can be motivated by real-world competition, especially if we are given the impression that our well-being depends on it.

If you have several kids, you’re all set– you can keep the contest within the family. If you only have one or two children, it might be best to find a friend to undertake this venture with you.

So, here’s what you need to do. Gather all the hungry little kiddos together, and tell them that you’re about to play a fun game. Kids will do incredibly awful and arduous shit if you just tell them it’s a game.

The rules of the game are simple. You’ll give each one a plastic grocery bag, then everyone is to run out into town, scouring garbage cans and dumpsters for any and all reasonably edible goods. Urge them to dig deep. When they come back, you will gauge who has brought back the most.

From here, the structure of the game is up to you. Maybe the winner is the only one who gets to shower, and the rest have to go to school smelling like garbage. Or maybe the loser doesn’t get to eat at all. The stakes are yours to decide, and up to your good Mommy instincts!

That’s it for now! Next week in Part 2, I will discuss how to use extreme guilt on your children’s feeble little minds and beat down all further resistance. Until then, bask in the glow of the dollars you’re already saving.