How to De-Escalate an Argument with a Fellow Stripper

CAPTAIN SAVE-A-HO

Captain Save-A-Ho is a friend to every ho in need, punishing low-life men with his trusty Pussy Whip, and helping with upcoming bills and pending lawsuits.

Greetings, Lady in Need! I’m Captain Save-A-Ho, and when a ho’s in need, I’m a friend indeed.

Conflict in the workplace is absolutely natural, and should occasionally be expected. This is no different at a strip club.

My goal is to help you learn how to gracefully de-escalate what could be a hideous fight, and in doing so, be more likely to keep your job.

Here’s How to De-Escalate A Fight with a Fellow Stripper.

Step 1: Take a Breath and Slow Down

So, your stripper friend Darwinnia has started shit with you. Part of becoming a responsible adult is realizing that very few arguments are actually worth the energy to have. So simply stop whatever you’re saying, pause, and take a lovely deep breath. Consider what could possibly be gained by engaging in this conflict, versus what you could lose (namely: your job). Simply be the bigger person, and ignore the woman who is provoking you.

Step 2: Don’t respond Emotionally, Respond Rationally

Well, you took a breath, but instead of pausing you have called her a “cunt waffle.” That is not exactly the point of Step 1, but let’s keep trying to de-escalate!

You must learn to respond rationally rather than emotionally. Instead of hurling insults Darwinia’s way, try simply explaining to her how her actions have upset you. Tell her that you feel it is unfair for her to try to take your dance time, and that it is inconsiderate of her to borrow your spare panties without asking first. If you can keep your wits about you, she is likely to respond with an apology, and your friendship may go on unscathed.

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Step 3: Empathize with the other person and Try to Put Yourself in their shoes

So, instead of expressing your feelings calmly, you have taken off your shoes and thrown them in Darwinia’s skank face.

Take a look at your bloodied shoes on the floor, and remember the value of trying to put yourself in the shoes of another. Darwinia has confided in you lately about the difficulty in her home life, and her tumultuous financial situation. The actions she has taken likely reflect her own personal torment much more than a direct attack against you. Try to find peace and serenity in your own mind, and accept that your opponent in argument is just trying to do what’s best for herself.

Step 4: Learn to Find Common Ground and disagree with respect

So, instead of compassionately recalling Darwinia’s tough situation, you have screamed in her face that her boyfriend must have used an ugly stick the last time he beat her. That, m’lady, was not very classy.

It is import that you learn to disagree with respect, and an important step is to try to find common ground. State one of your feelings as a simple, non-accusatory “I” statement, and ask if she can understand your feelings. You will be amazed how much better you feel when you can agree on a few simple things.

Step 5: Remember– no one has to “win”

Well, this whole thing didn’t go quite as I’d hoped. You began to beat her in the face with a nearby barstool, and club management had to call the cops. Remember, there doesn’t have to be a winner in a fight! Treating every little argument like the WWE is only going to bring you heartache.

I would like to point out a small piece of success– given that the cops are leading you out in handcuffs, the fight IS successfully de-escalated! …Good job!

Now, just remember to be polite with the cops. Certainly mustn’t get in a fight with them!