Hello sweet Ho, I’m Captain Save-A-Ho! My mission on this Earth is to help all of the young strippers, camgirls, and prostitutes of the world unleash their greatest potential. Today, I am going to help you to cultivate a charming and professional online presence. In a world which exists increasingly on the internet, it is very important to present yourself well online as well as in person.
HERE are my 4 quick tips to up your social media game!
Post Content wHICH rEPRESENTS wHO yOU are, AND wHAT yOU lIKE
Social media networking is all about being the absolute best version of yourself. And an incredibly important part of that is BEING YOURSELF! Do you love it when little doggies get the zoomies? Re-post those videos! Are you excited about a recent shopping trip? Share it! Part of being charming and personable is sharing things which are personally relevant to you.
kNOW hOW mUCH iNFORMATION IS tOO mUCH
First, I want to applaud you for taking step 1 and running with it– but my dear, you ran a little too far! It is important to know how much information is too much to share online. You took my first bit of advice as a go-ahead to share your personal story of getting wasted, falling off of a retaining wall, and giving your leg a quite grizzly gash. You posted this story along with a thoroughly disgusting photo, which is really only appropriate to show a medical professional. My general guidelines are this:
- Keep diseases and wounds to yourself. No one needs to know about your developing yeast infection, nor do they need to see a picture!
- Do not share secrets that are not yours to share. Do you speculate that a friend of yours has developed an addiction to cough syrup? Talk to her about it directly, or keep it to yourself!
- It is generally poor form to talk income online. Do not degrade the income of others, or post the specifics of yours.
- Do not post evidence of illegal activities! Taking a picture of the spedometer in your car at 115 mph to illustrate how much you want to get to a concert is a very, very bad idea.
STAY ABOVE THE HATERs, AND FOLLOW THE RULES
So, you have ceased to post pictures of wounds, but you have gone ahead and called the very elderly man who gave you a somewhat negative comment “a shit eating cuntwaffle who should have died in the holocaust.” Darling, interactions like this do not reflect well upon you! The classiest and most beloved women in history got plenty of negative attention, but always seemed to rise above it. And the best way to do that is to BE above it. Don’t even engage with people trying to bring you down! If you feel that you must respond, do so in a very respectful way. You will look like an absolute saint, and fans will flock your way! Remember too that on social media it is very important to understand and follow the rules of the platform, lest they remove your account. Every service has different standards — make sure to read their rules carefully, and abide by them!
IT’S OKAY TO TRY AGAIn OR START OVER
Alright, so you continued to respond to all negative feedback with racial slurs and pictures of your own poop. This was a very poor idea, sweet ho– on most every social media platform in the world, hate speech is prohibited. And feces are usually a no-no as well. So, your accounts have been removed. But you know what, that’s okay! We can count this as a win, because my final rule is this– it’s always okay to try again and start fresh! Take a couple days to cool down, and simply create some new accounts with my easy-to-follow rules in mind. You will be a social media queen in no time.
That’s it for now. I wish you the best of luck, sweet ho! Earnestly,
-Captain Save-A-Ho
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