SHMILK
WARNING!
Shmilk is a horrible creature bent on making the world a more miserable place to live. He is poisonous to happiness. He subsists on skittles and cum. He openly mocks serious mental disorders and may trigger seizures. We do not recommend reading or watching his content. DO NOT TAKE HIS ADVICE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
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Top 5 Suicide Cliffs
It can be hard to find just the right place to kill yourself. The location must have a combination of factors rendering it the perfect place to end your miserable life. I’m going to share a few of my best ideas.
Fuel Your Isolation by Abusing Frienships
Sometimes, good friends are just too clingy. Rather than being upfront and telling your friends you don’t want them around anymore, I’m going to give you easy tools to use to abuse them out of your life.
4 Easy Steps to Ruin a Friend’s Wedding
Marriage is a ridiculous institution doomed to failure and unhappiness, just like most things undertaken with optimism. So you’ve been invited to a wedding — I’m going to help you undercut the concept of marriage by showing you how to ruin a friend’s wedding.
5 People Cooler than You who Killed Themselves
Every few weeks we read in the papers about a new, tragic suicide. What’s really tragic is that many of the rock stars and celebrities who take their own lives actually have much more to live for than you do.
Cultivating Depression
Depression is a debilitating disease which grants its sufferers full license to act like a total cock to their friends and family. In this article, Shmilk offers you some surefire ways to catch depression.
Top 3 Dogs to Kick
Everyone needs hobbies, and FigWiggy writer Shmilk has a great idea for your next pursuit– Dog Kicking. In this article, he will discuss his Top 3 favorite dogs to kick, as well as the many benefits of pooch-punting.
How to be Effectively More Unpleasant
Have you ever wanted to end the constant stream of peppy folk asking you how you are? FigWiggy author Shmilk has a guaranteed way to make sure those smiling, well-intentioned people never bother your sullen ass ever again. Time to be more effectively unpleasant.
