Meet Shmilk




Shmilk is a horrible creature bent on making the world a more miserable place to live. He is poisonous to happiness. He subsists on skittles and cum. He openly mocks serious mental disorders and may trigger seizures. We do not recommend reading or watching his content. DO NOT TAKE HIS ADVICE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.


4 Easy Steps to Ruin a Friend’s Wedding

Marriage is a ridiculous institution doomed to failure and unhappiness, just like most things undertaken with optimism. So you’ve been invited to a wedding — I’m going to help you undercut the concept of marriage by showing you how to ruin a friend’s wedding.

Cultivating Depression

Depression is a debilitating disease which grants its sufferers full license to act like a total cock to their friends and family. In this article, Shmilk offers you some surefire ways to catch depression.

Top 3 Dogs to Kick

Everyone needs hobbies, and FigWiggy writer Shmilk has a great idea for your next pursuit– Dog Kicking. In this article, he will discuss his Top 3 favorite dogs to kick, as well as the many benefits of pooch-punting.

How to be Effectively More Unpleasant

Have you ever wanted to end the constant stream of peppy folk asking you how you are? FigWiggy author Shmilk has a guaranteed way to make sure those smiling, well-intentioned people never bother your sullen ass ever again. Time to be more effectively unpleasant.


$5 a month for Extras and Goodies!

FigWiggy on Patreon

FigWiggy Daily

Get a new FigWiggy post delivered right to your inbox every day so you can catch up with your favorite toon authors anywhere, anytime. 

You have Successfully Subscribed!