Next Beauty Trend: Look Like You Have Ebola!
OPERA PUSSY
Former opera singer. A very classy lady of culture, and your guide to all things beauty.
Epidemic Trend-Setting
I recently learned that in Victorian times, an extremely popular beauty trend was to mimmick the symptoms of Tuberculosis– one of the most terrible and deadly diseases of the time.
Upon looking into my crystal ball of fashion, I have realized that a resurgance of such a trend is imminent! Get on top of it now, and look like an incredible trend-setter — the time has come to make it look like you have Ebola.
Redden the Whites of Your Eyes:
People with Ebola have a lot of redness in the whites of their eyes. This may be difficult to achieve, but to be a true trend-setter, it is worth it. If dehydrating yourself doesn’t work, I have a couple of recommendations.
If you are allergic to cats, find the nearest feline and rub it on your face. This will surely give you the desired look.
If you are not allergic to cats, this tip is sure to succeed — find a pile of dirt or sand, and throw it into your own face repeatedly. Your eyes will try to blink to keep out the irritants, but if you are persistant, SOME will surely get in. You’ll have sex red eyeballs in no time.
Mimick the Look of a Terrible Hemorrhage
People with severe Ebola will experience blood hemorrhages from any and every orifice. It is your job to play with that concept with your makeup! Take a deep red lip-liner, and go to town. Experiment! Line your eyes with red. Extend red lines coming out of your ears, and running down your neck! Really have fun with this. It doesn’t have to look truly gory– simply evocative of terrible pathogen.
Look as Pale as Possible
A sickly and dehydrated person will surely be pale. Avoid the sunlight at all costs! If you already have a ghastly tan, try rubbing your skin with baby powder. The white and dusty appearance will amplify your diseased appearance.
And Those are the keys to the rapidly-approaching beauty trend of mimicking ebola!
Read more of my fashion and beauty advice:
The Fastest Quick-Fix for Supreme Beauty
We all know that you can increase your beauty by styling your hair, freshening your wardrobe, and using makeup. But there’s one quick-tip that few people ever address– I’m going to let you in on the greatest secret of the beauty industry!
Top 5 “Pound-Me-In-The-Pussy” Eyeshadows
Every choice you make in decorating your own body says something about you. Today I will be discussing eyeshadow, and how you can use it to communicate exactly how you would like your next rendezvous to pound you in the pussy.
How to Spend More to Look Worse
Spend more to look worse! Everybody knows that the greatest way to flaunt your status is by wearing it on your body. Well, all the hottest and most expensive designers have just released their ready-to wear fashion lines– get ready to open up that wallet and max out that credit card!!
The Bear and His Balls
Tales from the land of bears– enchanting, enthralling, magical, rare. Bear balls.
Top 5 Suicide Cliffs
It can be hard to find just the right place to kill yourself. The location must have a combination of factors rendering it the perfect place to end your miserable life. I’m going to share a few of my best ideas.
Wednesday Night Live With @HarperTheFox
An episode of Wednesday Night Live, hosted by the brilliant and beautiful @HarperTheFox. She definitely didn’t write this post excerpt, despite the fact that she is a brilliant writer and unicorn of a human being.
The Bigotry of Attraction: Dicks are Clits, Too
Today, I am going to discuss a serious problem in the dating world– the bigotry of attraction. Transphobia runs rampant in the world of Tindr, OkCupid, and the like. So how do we stop it? GET. WOKE.
Teach a Fat Child Discipline Using Guilt and Shame
Sometimes, a mother finds herself in the difficult position of noticing that her child is getting fat. How are you supposed to deal with that in a healthy way? I’ve got some tips!
Tortilla Blanket with a Meaty Surprise
Today’s gay culture trend: The Tortilla Blanket with a Meaty Surprise! Brought to you by the sweetest, tiniest homosexual taco with cocks for feet.